An Excerpt from a Writing Project

From The Crazy Chicken Escapade

Things were going slowly for Radcliffe, the chicken who was taken hostage by the evil guys, Darveda, Nelson, Hilda, and Bug. He was sitting in his quarters, watching some goofy cartoons, drinking English breakfast tea, and thinking about his fiancée.

He could really go for pepperoni pizza right now, but he didn’t want to eat a whole pizza by himself. Radcliffe wanted to have a pizza to share with everyone, because, after all, sharing is caring. However, he could smell the aroma of barbeque ribs from the other room.

Most assuredly, Darveda would be nice enough to offer him a few ribs. And some more English breakfast tea, even though it was right in the middle of the day.

Radcliffe heard the sound of footsteps coming toward his door. These footsteps sounded as if the person was dancing the tango. He was not quite sure, though, that the sounds of the footsteps coming toward his quarters would have been for a good reason anyway. Radcliffe decided to wait and see who was approaching him and what his or her motive was.

Moments later….

“Hello, Radcliffe,” Darveda greeted in a cunning manner. She offered him some barbeque ribs.
“Oh, uh, hello, Da-darveda,” Radcliffe stuttered, as he reluctantly accepted the barbeque ribs.
“How are you doing today?”
“Fine, fine, no thanks to you.”
“Well, you better be fine,” Darveda said with a smirk.
“Why? I already am,” Radcliffe remarked.
“We’re sparing your wife.”
“She’s my fiancée. We just got engaged two days ago.”
“We’re sending her to Italy.”
“Why?!”

Oh dear. Radcliffe’s fiancée could not be sent to ITALY! They had recently gotten engaged at the party before the chicken community was spread out across the supposedly fictitious islands.

Disclaimer: Wakahakai, Galavanti Island, and Texamilio are not fictitious islands.

But, why would Radcliffe’s fiancée be taken to Italy? That was a hard question for Radcliffe to comprehend. What else could there possibly be in Italy, besides spaghetti, the beautiful landscapes, and the ever-so-adored Vatican City?

A lot of things.

As Radcliffe was sipping his English breakfast tea, he heard a weird sound emanate from out of nowhere. He didn’t know what exactly to make of it, but it sounded very much like an old 1950’s style phone.

The problem was, though, that he could not find where the sound was coming from. So, the only thing that Radcliffe could do now was to find the phone and answer it, as long as he didn’t miss the call.

“RADCLIFFE! OH, RADCLIFFE! RADCLIFFE!” Hilda shouted as she ran into the room, nearly running into the door post.
“Yes, ma’am?” Radcliffe answered, surprisingly relaxed. To him, Hilda was the better of the two ladies.
“You’re being paged. You might want to answer on your end.”
“Where’s the phone? And who’s trying to call me?”
“The phone has to be in your room. Do you not see it?” Hilda questioned their captive.
“I hear it. I don’t see it,” Radcliffe informed.
“Oh dear. Darn Darveda. She always misplaces things, like the phone, the lamps, and one day she misplaced the drapes.”
“I’ll be darned.”
“Our mission is to make the captive feel comfortable inside his or her quarters. And we want to make sure that he or she has easy access to the phone.”
“I missed my call.”

And, sure enough, the phone stopped ringing. It was probably not all that important anyway, as Radcliffe’s fiancée would probably not know this phone number. The crazy chicken resumed his “morning regimen” by watching some movies on the relatively new TV, drinking English breakfast tea, thinking about his fiancée, and eating barbeque ribs.

Overall, this would have been a perfect morning, if he wasn’t held captive by Darveda and her henchmen. In most cases, captives would not have this amount of luxury in their room. However, this chicken had much luxury in his quarters, but he wasn’t thoroughly enjoying himself.

As Radcliffe was sipping his English breakfast tea, he suddenly heard a weird sound emanate from out of nowhere. He didn’t know what exactly to make of it, but it sounded very much like an old 1950’s style phone.

Chances were that the ringing sound came from the phone, which was not in sight.

The problem was, though, that he could not find where the sound was coming from. So, the only thing that Radcliffe could do now was to find the phone and answer it, as long as he didn’t miss the call.

“RADCLIFFE! OH, RADCLIFFE! RADCLIFFE!” Hilda shouted as she ran into the room, nearly running into the door post.
“Yes, ma’am?” Radcliffe answered, surprisingly relaxed. To him, Hilda was the better of the two ladies.
“You’re being paged. You might want to answer on your end.”
“Oh. I might want to.”

Radcliffe ran around the room like a chicken with his head cut off. He was not quite sure where exactly the phone would be. He’d take Hilda’s word for it, and find it in an unknown spot, probably not a good place to hide a phone. Especially since a phone can be an important means of communication, and Radcliffe would have liked to have some communication going on, so that he could be on his merry way back to the chicken community.

Ideally, everyone would be back together, and they would get on with their lives. Radcliffe did get engaged to Lisa Cluckerton, and he wanted to be with her at this very moment. As a matter of fact, he wanted to know for sure that she was not one of the chickens to be spread out to the other side of the island. As if that was too far away from him, but it wasn’t extremely close either.

The phone continued to ring, and Radcliffe eventually found it. Behind the drapes. He answered the phone, and he realized that this might be a trap. Radcliffe took things slowly and carefully.

“Hello? This is Radcliffe,” the chicken answered on his end.
“Hello. It’s me,” the voice replied.
“Who is me?”
“Well, you would be you. And I would be me. Simple as that.”
“But, should I call you ‘me?’ Or should I call you by your actual name?” Radcliffe questioned the voice.
“That is for you to figure out,” said the voice.
“Okay. This should not be harder than what you’re making it. Please. Tell me your name.”
“Oh, I can’t do that! It’s just me.”
“Okay? I will just call you ‘me.’”
“Oh, you can’t do that!”

Very interesting conversation on either line. Who is “me?” Surely not Radcliffe’s wife….er, fiancée, if one will. Unless “me” was an undercover agent trying to get ahold of a pizza man because he failed to give her the pizza that she ordered while aboard a ship with some pirates who were destined to steal the gold that is left in California from 20 some odd decades ago.

The odds are always in one’s favor, or not. Depends on the person.

It was pretty obvious that today was not Radcliffe’s day. First, he was held hostage at Darveda’s beautiful mansion; then, the chicken community was spread around the islands like butter on bread; Radcliffe’s wife….er, fiancée, was about to be sent to Italy; and Radcliffe had just finished a strange conversation on the phone with a strange person.

What is this world coming to? Could life get any stranger than this?

Probably.

Radcliffe just could not look on the bright side right now. However, that would pass eventually. When things would get back to normal. Even though this would probably be the case, in the present, Hilda somehow overheard the conversation and wanted to get a little nosy.

“Who was that on the phone?!” Hilda asked as she attempted to run into the room, but actually running into the door post this time.
“I don’t know. It sounded like a female. But she wouldn’t give me her name. She just said it was ‘me.’ But I do know for a fact that it was not Darveda,” Radcliffe responded.
“Darveda is not silly enough to play Phone Wars.”
“Or is she?”
“She’s a bit of a smart aleck, though,” Hilda replied.
“Really?” Radcliffe asked.
“Darveda loves to be the one who’s always right, and she likes to pick mud out of her shoe.”
“Go figure.”
“Want to do a dinner of pinot noir and caviar in my quarters tonight?”
“Well, to tell you the truth, I already arranged a pizza party with my band. I play the drums.”
“Okay. Suit yourself.”

Radcliffe was just simply not in the mood to do anything right now. He had a few days to decide whether he wanted to side with Darveda and her henchmen and turn the chicken community into their control, or he would really suffer the consequences. He was at a loss; he wasn’t sure what happened to the chicken community besides the fact that they were spread across the three prominent islands.

Many chickens were sent to Texamilio, while others were moved to Galavanti Island, and the rest stayed around the Wakahakai area. Radcliffe tried not to think too negatively about what had happened, even though it was quite difficult.

What Radcliffe did not consider was that his fate was in the hands of three courageous boys, as well as a polar bear and his friends. Little did he know that they had already begun their search for him and the chicken community.